Experiments in Joy

Live a life that honors who you are

Why our Most Difficult Moments Require the Most Self-Care

Self Care

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary. ” – Mandy Hale

When’s the last time you did something simply for the fun of it? If it’s been a while, don’t fret; many of us—myself included—find it surprisingly easy to forgo having fun. With all the responsibilities in our lives, making time for play can feel like a “nice-to-have” but ultimately unnecessary thing.

But reflecting on one of the harder moments in my life, I’ve come to understand that fun has a fundamental role in self-care—having fun keeps us emotionally resilient, playful, and feeling positive. It is in our most challenging moments especially, therefore, when we most need to make time for fun and play.

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[Guest post] The traps of (over) planning and tips to overcome it

Over-planning curve

Time and time again we are presented with phases of our lives to check off of our list. Going to school, maybe university for some, graduate school for others, getting a job, moving out of our parents’ home, paying off loans or a mortgage, dating, getting married, having children, retiring, and you know what’s next…

Enjoying your retirement, of course!

While planning is a ritual that helps us keep our routine in order, whether on a daily or weekly basis, there is an extent at which planning can actually become harmful. Over-planning can stifle our creativity, ignore our need for exploration and novelty, and even contribute to the perception of scarcity in our lives.

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You are not your Achievements

Trophy

Growing up, we are often lauded by our parents and friends for the feats that we accomplish. As a high-schooler, my situation was no different—I was a competitive athlete and student, and with every success came encouragement and affection from my parents. And while I am grateful for this support, I’ve also come to realize the importance of keeping these accomplishments in perspective.

I mention this because I began to notice that the outcomes of my activities were influencing how I felt about myself. When you receive extra attention or affection when you do well, it’s easy to see how success becoming very important to you. Gradually, my successes began to form part of my identity–who I saw myself as– and, in general, a relationship began to form between outcomes and my feelings about myself. Though after a success I would feel confident and joyful, when I felt that I “failed,” my self-esteem would fall, leaving me feeling unworthy.

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The Prevalence of Loneliness in our Adult Lives (and strategies to combat it and build community)

 

lonely_sit

Of all the changes that accompany adulthood, the one that I’ve most struggled with is the sense of loneliness that I’ve felt over the past two years since graduating college. Maybe it reflects my inexperience with the emotion, but I have been surprised to learn what loneliness really feels like; that is, rather than dramatic and acute, it’s been subtle, kind of like an achy muscle. It probably won’t overwhelm you, but you definitely feel it.

Interestingly, and quite ironically, it turns out that I am not alone in the way I am feeling. Many of my friends have also echoed challenges related to socializing, and more broadly finding community, after college. And in a Google search of “Loneliness after college,” I found numerous articles on this topic. Not only that, it seems that even people who have been out of college for a long time, even people with families, often feel lonely as well.

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A Moment of Gratitude for the Blessing of Good Health

Gratitude

I would like to begin a daily practice of explicitly expressing my gratitude for the good health that I’ve been lucky to experience for most of my 24 years on this earth.

This thought occurs to me as I successfully finish my second cup of applesauce of the day, which is the sum total of what I’ve eaten in the past 24 hours. In an unfortunate juxtaposition, the ratio of what I’ve given back to the earth in the form of vomit relative to what I’ve consumed today–and this is my educated guess–is about 400. What I endearingly will refer to as “The Least Pleasant 3 Minutes of My Life” (TLP3MOFL), has humbly reminded me of how lucky I have good health the majority of the other time.

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