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Experiments in Joy

Live a life that honors who you are

The Problem with People Pleasing (and how to assert boundaries)

April 13, 2016

 

PeoplePlease_tag

My greatest satisfaction in life comes from helping out another person or group of people in a meaningful way. I used to teach English as a Second Language (ESL) every Sunday in my local library growing up. It was a humbling, warm, really gratifying experience. Understanding that the knowledge and encouragement I was giving to them helped them achieve tangible goals in their lives brought me a real sense of purpose; for one of my students I watched how learning English allowed him to ascend from dish-washer, to waiter, to manager at a restaurant. And that gave him more confidence, allowed him to feel more at home in a foreign country, and set a great example for his little brother. Kudos, dude.

Yet while I am grateful that helping others can be such a strong source of joy in my life, I also recognize that this–like everything else–has limits and downsides. I realize that I am susceptible to ignoring my own needs to please others. In particular, when I focus too much on others–their needs, their goals–I can quickly forget about mine until the joy of helping other abruptly transforms into resentment.

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Filed Under: Self-care, Uncategorized

The (Blogging) Journey Begins!

April 12, 2016

I am excited. Like really excited. Like my-first-experience-at-Waffle-House excited.

WaffleHouse

 

I’ve thought about making a blog for a while now, but up until this point have been unable to act upon this thought. It has seemed like this overwhelming task, mostly due to the fear of allowing others to see me for who I am. Let’s face it, vulnerability is scary.  But with the online support from the Live Your Legend community, and the extra impetus of the Blog Challenge, I have been able to connect with the right resources to make this a reality!

As I move forward with this blog, I hope that it will be not only a personal space where I can further get to know myself, but also one in which I can connect and share with other people as well. At times I’ve felt like an outsider as someone who always seemed “more mature than his age.” My philosophical perspective, the way that I judge myself by the extent to which I am living my values, and my desire for harmony amongst people  have all been things that some people have found unique. But I know for sure that other people like me are out there, and I want to connect with other like-minded people!

As I alluded to above, I want to challenge myself to be vulnerable and open, as these are the traits that I admire in others. The risk of criticism and hurtful remarks are great–and I am a sensitive person– but at the same time the opportunity to connect to others and potentially help others  through writing seems to make it worth the risk. Plus, it is a wonderful opportunity to learn how to deal with criticism; if you are being criticized, it probably means you are putting yourself out there and doing something badass, and I’d rather be criticized harshly than never pursue my deepest hopes and dreams. And I am hoping that I can lead by example and eventually inspire others to do the same.

OK, that’s all for the first blog post! Until next time!

Brandon

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Hi, I'm Brandon, and welcome to Experiments in Joy! Sometimes life gets messy, and it takes a little trial and error to discover what we need to live our most joyful lives. EiJ is all about sharing knowledge, practices, and thought-provoking questions that you can apply to your life to help you live your best life--for you.

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