Experiments in Joy

Live a life that honors who you are

Why our Most Difficult Moments Require the Most Self-Care

Self Care

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary. ” – Mandy Hale

When’s the last time you did something simply for the fun of it? If it’s been a while, don’t fret; many of us—myself included—find it surprisingly easy to forgo having fun. With all the responsibilities in our lives, making time for play can feel like a “nice-to-have” but ultimately unnecessary thing.

But reflecting on one of the harder moments in my life, I’ve come to understand that fun has a fundamental role in self-care—having fun keeps us emotionally resilient, playful, and feeling positive. It is in our most challenging moments especially, therefore, when we most need to make time for fun and play.

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Why Letting Go of Perfectionism is a Requisite for Greater Joy

let go of perfectionism

I’ll admit it. I can be a perfectionist.

It’s true, there is no better feeling to me than when I feel like I’ve attained what I consider to be perfect work (whatever that means). In these moments I feel—much to my chagrin admitting it—a sense of superiority and pride. I feel impervious to any kind of criticism and a deep satisfaction for what I’ve accomplished.

Of course, however, I’m fooling myself. “Perfection” doesn’t exist in any real sense. It is a hazy, vague, abstract concept—the world is much too subjective to possibly have a universally accepted idea of perfection. Much more often it is used to describe a hypothetical, ideal situation or used as a thought experiment. You know, like “In a perfect world, eating Taco Bell wouldn’t give me life-threatening diarrhea.” (We can all dream, can’t we?)

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[Guest post] The traps of (over) planning and tips to overcome it

Over-planning curve

Time and time again we are presented with phases of our lives to check off of our list. Going to school, maybe university for some, graduate school for others, getting a job, moving out of our parents’ home, paying off loans or a mortgage, dating, getting married, having children, retiring, and you know what’s next…

Enjoying your retirement, of course!

While planning is a ritual that helps us keep our routine in order, whether on a daily or weekly basis, there is an extent at which planning can actually become harmful. Over-planning can stifle our creativity, ignore our need for exploration and novelty, and even contribute to the perception of scarcity in our lives.

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Need Space in your Relationship? It’s OK–in fact, it’s Healthy

space_in_relationships_flower

Of all the practices that keep romantic relationships healthy, perhaps the most overlooked is space away from a partner. This may be, in part, because it seems to carry some taboo; similar to how many view therapy, space away from a partner, is often viewed as action that suggests a problem, rather than being seen as a healthy habit. Given that our partner is supposed to be our “better half,”—we think—shouldn’t we want to spend time together as much as we can? In this way, there tends to be feelings of guilt around wanting space from your partner.

If you find yourself feeling this way, don’t worry, you’re not crazy. The idea that you a happy couple should be together all the time is simply unrealistic. I’ve come to learn that your emotional connection with your partner is not purely a function of time, and it is possible to spend more time together and have your emotional connection decline. I always appreciate drnerdlove‘s harsh (but truthful) criticism of the perception of needing to spend all your time together as a couple,

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You are not your Achievements

Trophy

Growing up, we are often lauded by our parents and friends for the feats that we accomplish. As a high-schooler, my situation was no different—I was a competitive athlete and student, and with every success came encouragement and affection from my parents. And while I am grateful for this support, I’ve also come to realize the importance of keeping these accomplishments in perspective.

I mention this because I began to notice that the outcomes of my activities were influencing how I felt about myself. When you receive extra attention or affection when you do well, it’s easy to see how success becoming very important to you. Gradually, my successes began to form part of my identity–who I saw myself as– and, in general, a relationship began to form between outcomes and my feelings about myself. Though after a success I would feel confident and joyful, when I felt that I “failed,” my self-esteem would fall, leaving me feeling unworthy.

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